no sleep

Please don't tell me
for how long
a heart stands to carry
all the weight of sorrow
how long it takes
before one will have to face the truth
- there is no need for me

Lying on this bed
bleeding
alone like never before
It feels just as if
there is no end of this road
like it will not ever bend
in to safeness track

Tonight I wish for
a songbird to arrive
one that sings so happily
with no despair
singing beautifully to me
maybe every tree would bloom again
maybe you could see
how
winter can turn into spring
when one believes
when we believe

I have never been strong on my own
I have been a chameleon
in the company of others
it scares the shit out of me
to be forced into becoming rootless again
in scarcity
of you
close to me

I supported every step
all the choices made
and all choices refused
even when I couldn't manage with
seeing you hurt yourself
I know I'm not perfect
but I have tried
I tried to stay patient
each time

But there is no way
of making me believe
that any joy can come
out of
making distance even farther
from you
to me